Whew!

As always, the start of a new school year is a bit crazy. New students, setting expectations, creating structures, etc. I knew that transitioning to middle school, while also beginning a new position as technology integrationist, would mean new challenges and lots of new learning this year. However, I didn´t expect the learning curve to be quite so steep! 

I have to say, the past month has been a whirlwind! I´ve gone from feeling excited to overwhelmed to stressed to excited within hours practically every day this week. I´ve been wanting a new challenge for awhile now and I have to say I definitely got what I wished for in this new position! 

Learning how to teach new content in a different setting with different expectations has really challenged me as a teacher so far this year. In addition, taking on so much new technology and new initiatives as a school always means that unexpected issues pop up. We´re basically creating a technology integration program as we go, which is really exciting, but very challenging as well. In many ways, I feel like I actually have two full time jobs instead of two half-time ones! Whew! Although overwhelming and stress-inducing at times, I have been reminded of how much I love learning and figuring out how to tackle systemic issues in a school. And I know that it´s going to feel like a huge accomplishment when everything starts to smooth out. :)

So again, I find myself searching for balance in my life. How quickly exercise and Spanish become lower priorities when spending so much time on work! I hope to become more consistent with both in the upcoming weeks. With trips to Stockholm and Budapest around the corner, blue skies and warm weather, and many fun fall events planned, I suppose being stressed in Barcelona isn´t really that bad . . . :)

Travel and Optimism

My parents, knowing me oh so well, recently sent me Paul Theroux's The Tao of Travel. Theroux shares thoughts about travel through the published pieces of many others. It's been so interesting to read about different perspectives and ideas about travel, particularly based on when and where the author was traveling.

As a lover of travel and an eternal optimist, these two quotations below struck me the most so far. I look forward to reading more!

"Travel, its very motion, ought to suggest hope. Despair is the armchair; it is indifference and glazed, incurious eyes. I think travelers are essentially optimists, or else they would never go anywhere." - from Fresh Air Fiend

"Travel is at its most rewarding when it ceases to be about your reaching a destination and becomes indistinguishable from living your life." - from Ghost Train to the Eastern Star

Nostalgia

• Nostalgia: a bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.

For a number of reasons, I've been feeling quite nostalgic lately. It all started with an email from someone that brought up many memories from about a decade ago - great memories! Emily and I also spent a lot of time reminiscing about the past ten years while in Croatia - our first few years in Denver, music connected to memories, our travel adventures, making the huge decision to move abroad. Last night Tessa and I watched the video Matias made after my birthday last year, which was such an unexpected and fantastic day. (If you haven't seen it, it can be found under April 2011 posts and is quite entertaining!)

I love how the definition of nostalgia includes the word bittersweet. When I think back over the past ten years of my life, there are definitely some things, people, and places that I miss and at times long for. But overall, I feel so happy when I think back to everyone I've known, the places I've been, and the experiences I've had -- it's truly been so sweet.

As the birthday that will take me "off the calendar" quickly approaches (yikes!), I imagine I'll continue to feel a bit nostalgic. Here's to the bittersweetness of it!:)

Let's see what happens . . .

My older brother, Mark, forwarded this blog post to me today, thinking that I might like it (he knows me so well! :). I couldn't agree more with this philosophy! Here's to "seeing what happens" - in travels, love, adventure, and more . . .

March 20, 2012 See what happens Example A. Picture this: You’re on a four day trip to Barcelona, by yourself. You’ve mapped out every sight you want to see, restaurant you want to visit, and person you want to meet. You’ve created a jam-packed day-by-day itinerary because success to you is seeing as much of the city as quickly as possible. By day two, you’re a bit cranky due to jet lag, long lines outside La Sagrada Família, and a general feeling of being rushed. You keep pushing yourself, ignoring your discomfort, so you can see and do everything on your list. By day four, you’re completely exhausted, carrying a completed check-list, and experiencing a feeling that something is missing. You’ve crossed off your to-do’s but don’t have any memorable stories to accompany your travels. Example B. Picture this: You’re on a four day trip to Barcelona, with your best friend. Each of you has picked a few must-see places to visit, keeping in mind that the motto of your trip is to “see what happens.” This is an adventure, you have an idea of where you want to go, and you feel open to where the journey takes you. By day two, you’re feeling energized by your half-day at the beach, 360-degree hotel rooftop wine-tasting, and photo excursion in El Born district. You randomly stumble upon a delicious tapas bar and interesting group of locals who convince you to go dancing with them late into the night. It turns out your new friend owns a vineyard estate fourty-five minutes outside the city, and they invite you to their second home for an authentic Spanish meal and wine-tasting experience. After four days, you leave the city inspired and invigorated, with new friends, a dozen stories, and a feeling that you got so much more than you were expecting. Which trip would you rather be on, A or B? B? Good choice. Know why? B experienced the four days to the fullest by embracing a “see what happens” spirit. Since A ignored what they really wanted to do before they set foot off the plane, they exhausted themselves, misread their flight departure time, and are currently cursing at the airport, trying to figure out another flight out of BCN. How about the B best friends? They’re enjoying a champagne toast as they reach 30,000 feet. These two stories are a lot like life. You can either take it really seriously and when one thing goes wrong, think the world is ending. Or, you can look at life like a grand adventure and opportunity to “see what happens.” My favorite times in life often start with a “see what happens” way of thinking. Let’s see what happens when I launch this project idea to the world. Let’s see what happens when I fly to Austin without a place to sleep. Let’s see what happens when I let this amazing guy know how I feel. Let’s see what happens when I ask that famous author out for tea. Try anything. We’re always ready and we can never fail when our only aim is to “see what happens.” Copyright © 2012 Hey Amber Rae, All rights reserved.

A New Year

As always, I love the start of a new year! The thought of a fresh start, new beginnings, adventures, and experiences consistently fills me with excitement. 2011 had a few ups and downs for me, but overall, it was a fantastic year. And I have no doubt that 2012 will be even better!

Beginning the year in a new place with a best friend I hadn't seen in ages (and wearing a super-sparkly dress!) was an excellent start. On my first day back in Barcelona, I went to a fantastic dinner filled with Spanish conversation, followed by a day of relaxing, exercise, and reflection - all of which seem like a good indicator of the year to come. I already have tickets purchased for trips to Ireland, Croatia, and Amsterdam, and lots of other potential travels in mind. This confirms that I will definitely reach my goal of 32 countries visited in my 32 years - one of my 2012 resolutions. :)

In addition, I hope this new year provides more professional challenges and growth for me, the confidence and ability to use all past and future tenses in Spanish fluently, a consistent yoga practice, more savings, and many more great memories. Here's to 2012 - it's going to be a great year!

Late Nights in Barcelona

Wow - what a week it has been! Wine and hilarious conversations Wednesday until 3am, fantastic concert until 2am Thursday, dinner Friday, followed by drinks and dancing until 7am last night. It will never cease to amaze me how different life, especially night life, is in Barcelona. There is never a lack of something to do, the city is constantly buzzing with energy and life, and it is so easy to stay out until the early morning hours.

The past two weekends have included coming home after 6 am, something that I never really experienced until living in Spain. Yet here, there are so many people out at that time and more who stay up even later! For me, when there are so many people out and having fun, it's so easy to lose track of time - one moment it's midnight, the next the sun is coming up.

For someone who used to be nicknamed "Pirate Eye," I still find it amazing that this lifestyle suits me so well! Although I might be tired, once I'm out in it, I can usually make it until the end. Unfortunately, these late nights don't make for the most productive next days, but that's okay. (Another aspect of life in Spain that I love? I've gotten much better at relaxing!)

I've been here a year and a half, but I feel there is SO much more of the city I have yet to discover, both during the day and the night. With holiday drinks and dinners next weekend, followed by winter break and visitors, I have a feeling there will be even more late nights to enjoy in the upcoming weeks. Barcelona - I love dating you! :)

A VERY Entertaining Conversation Topic

Along with classic books and recent fiction, the book below is another one shared by Anne during our Berlin book conversation. In just a few short weeks, it has provided SO much entertainment! This classic by Martine was written in the 70s and describes men and women under each astrological sign, as well as their erogenous zones, ways to make first and last moves, and extremely detailed accounts of what they are like in the bedroom.

It's one of those books where you read a paragraph and think it's exactly like you, then read the next and think the exact opposite! A bunch of girls were together last night and this book made an appearance. After many read alouds, lots of blushing, and tons of laughing, it was confirmed that we need more copies of this book and that it might make for a great book club read. If you want a good laugh (and possibly some insight!), I highly suggest ordering a copy. :)

Dating Barcelona

I always find it interesting to hear girls talk as though having a guy around would change everything. I'll be the first to agree that having a man in your life that you really like and who really likes you, as well as some consistent love, can make for some very happy times! However, I also truly believe that you have to be happy on your own first - if you're not, no guy is going to change that.

One of my favorite things that Anne used to say is that when people asked her if she was dating anyone, her response was, "Yes, I'm dating Barcelona." :) Why is Barcelona so great to date? Well, there's always something new to do or see, he's consistent, he's warm, he provides cheap and delicious meals, and he's a lot of fun! Her point was that there is just so much to see and to do in this city, you can spend plenty of time just getting to know it and falling in love. (That Anne is always full of words of wisdom :)

Yep, it is pretty great to be dating Barcelona!

Ideas I like to live by . . .

Literary Love

While in Berlin this past weekend, Anne, Tessa, and I had many fabulous conversations about all sorts of topics. However, one of my favorite ones has to be the 1.5 hour conversation we had books.

All three of us love to read, but the enthusiasm and the clear love of literature that came through as we began to share some of our most favorite books while sitting in a darkened bar in Berlin must have been a sight to see! Throughout this conversation, we reminisced about favorite books of our past - the crazy story lines, the language, the characters. It was fun to see how many books we commonly loved, as well as discover ones we've never read, but now hope to.

Anne has an amazing ability to remember so many parts in all the books she has read, and Tessa can remember the most obscure details, while I seem to remember little but titles, authors, and general story lines that have impacted me. Regardless, when arriving at school on Monday, Anne brought six books for me to read and checked out equally as many from the library. I love it!

The first book of this stack that I've chosen to read is The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. This book was extremely popular a few years ago and I'm sure many people know it, yet I never heard of it until moving to Barcelona (maybe my memory issue again?). The book is set in Barcelona and mentions many streets and plazas near where I live. The language and description in the book is incredible, something that is so impressive to me considering it's been translated from Spanish to English. Although I am only eight chapters in, I am dying to keep reading - suspense, mystery, romance, books, intrigue! It's been a long time since I've felt that way about a book, particularly one for adults.

Today, my 5th graders and I were about to finish our read aloud book. They have been dying to hear the end and their daily excitement about the story has been so fun to see. Before reading, I told them about the conversation Ms. Anne, Ms. Tessa, and I had. (Their reaction was a mix of "That sounds so boring!" with "Wow - you really talk about books?" :) I also shared with them a paragraph from The Shadow of the Wind that really struck me (see below). Although they didn't all understand it (as expected!), I like to think that they will remember a tiny piece of the moment.

So, if you haven't read The Shadow of the Wind, I highly suggest it. (You can also take the book tour the next time you visit me in Barcelona! :). And, I hope it reminds you of your "first book." Now, I have to get back to reading . . .

"Once, in my father's bookshop, I heard a regular customer say that few things leave a deeper mark on a reader than the first book that finds its way into his heart. Those first images, the echo of words we think we have left behind, accompany us throughout our lies and sculpt a place in our memory to which, sooner or later - no matter how many books we read, how many worlds we discover, or how much we learn or forget - we will return." - Carlos Ruiz Zafon, The Shadow of the Wind, p. 6

A Jumble of Emotions

Whew - now that it's coming to an end, it makes me realize that these past few weeks, although SO fantastic, brought up quite a few emotions in me. At the moment, I feel like I have about 15 different ones rushing to the surface at the same time - it's a bit exhausting!

I feel so happy that I get to show off this city as my "home." I love Barcelona and it's so great to share the city, the lifestyle, the food, etc. with people who are important to me - it's such an amazing place to live!

I feel lots of guilt for knowing that my choosing to live abroad makes people in my life sad, yet they support me so much! At the same time, I know that being here is the best place for me right now - I can't imagine being anywhere else. And I feel lucky that I'm able to be here.

I feel jealous of people who have what I don't have right now and a bit sorry for myself at times and the fact that I haven't found what I'm looking for - both emotions that I hate :(

I feel a bit of anger - mainly towards a particular someone and the fact that he occupies even a second of my thoughts, a second, that at this point, he doesn't come close to deserving.

I feel stress - particularly related to work.

I feel excitement and anticipation - for the upcoming places I have to visit, the people I get to see, the experiences I will have, and the inevitable fun that will surprise me along the way. . .

And I've been reminded that for someone who isn't especially emotional, sometimes emotions get the best of us - for better or worse. So, I'm trying to accept them, reflect on them, and hope that the positive ones soon outweigh the negative ones, as I know they will :)

Thoughts for today . . .

And think not you can
Direct the course of love,
For love,
If it finds you worthy,
Directs your course.

-Khalil Gibran

Those that go searching for love, only manifest their own lovelessness. And the loveless never find love, only the loving find love. And they never have to seek for it. - D. H. Lawrence

The road to finding "the one" is paved with a bit of promiscuity. - Ryan Erickson

Maturity

"Maturity begins to grown when you can sense your concern for others outweighing your concern for yourself." - John MacNaughton

"Maturity is: the ability to stick with a job until it's finished; the ability to do a job without being supervised; the ability to carry money without spending it; and the ability to bear an injustice without wanting to get even." - Abigail Van Buren

I've been thinking a bit about maturity today and feel these quotes say a lot . . .

Updates

It's amazing how as I focus more on school, the less I seem to focus on everything else. I know I shouldn't be surprised by this, considering I've been this way for a decade. Yet, it does seem to surprise me each and every year! And so, since I've not been posting nearly as much as I did in the summer, here are a few updates:

- School is fantastic! My class grows on me more and more each day and definitely makes me laugh every day :)

- I'm starting private Spanish classes next week, hoping to just have lots of time to practice speaking, which is just what I need.

- We had groceries delivered for the first time tonight - amazing! Although it won't happen too often, it was so great to select everything we wanted online AND have someone else carry it up all 57 stairs! How fantastic!

- I've started going to yoga classes here consistently (thanks, Mark!), which have been amazing. More than anything, yoga is so clearly good for my mind and body - I feel wonderful afterwards! It's also great Spanish practice- although the teacher is British, she conducts the class in Spanish. I've definitely started to develop a new set of vocabulary - respira, respira! :)

- I have trips planned to the south of France with my parents in late October and a trip to Berlin planned with Anne and Tessa for Thanksgiving weekend - yea! I have a feeling a trip to London will be in my near future, too . . .

- With some tutoring I've picked up after school, I'm making enough extra money to afford Spanish and yoga classes, as well as fun European trips :) (I also had the realization that the money I'm making from tutoring is more than my best paychecks in Sevilla - as my dad said, amazing what having a legal job can mean!)

- Marybeth, the third new teacher who has stayed at our place in the past six weeks, will be moving into her new place next week. It's amazing just how convenient this third bedroom has been! It will be strange going back to just two of us again - it's been fun having a variety of people staying here - can't wait for the next one!

Overall, life is good! Marybeth and I were just talking about the moments when we realize "I LOVE this city." A year later, I'm happy to say that those moments continue to hit me when I least expect them. I look forward to the upcoming months - I have a feeling fall in Barcelona will be fantastic . . .

in the right place - literally AND figuratively

I'm sure it's the start of a new year, as well as many conversations in the past two weeks about men and life abroad, that has caused me to reflect on my life in Spain, in relation to the opposite sex. Although I have only had one definable relationship in my time here, there have been a few guys that have caught my eye.

Anna knew two of them and we often discussed the importance of timing when it comes to relationships. Whether it be the time in one's life or the physical place one happens to be, timing really does seem to be everything!

I've been thinking about how in one case, the timing and place were off - although never impossible, it's pretty difficult to start something while in two different countries. In another, the place could have worked, but the timing was just a little too late. And in the last, the place was perfect, but the timing in life was all wrong.

I have always been, and think I will always be, a hopeless romantic; so, I believe love can overcome most obstacles, time and place included. However, I also hope that the next guapo that really catches my eye happens to be in the right place and time, both literally and figuratively. :)

Change

In the past few years, I have really realized how much I both love and hate change. The excitement and anticipation that something new is coming and that you get to essentially start over again is one that I love! Yet, life not feeling the same, people changing, and starting over again can be SO scary as well!

As much as I love to make changes for myself, I've often struggled when others have made changes that have indirectly affected me. For example, friends moving away, getting married, or having babies - changes that are so positive and that I am so happy about, yet also feel sad because I know things will no longer be the same as they used to be.

It was so exciting to essentially start my life over in Sevilla two years ago, then do it again in Barcelona this year. I loved the anticipation of all the new experiences I would have, the people I would meet, the things I would see. And it was great! Yet, I have no desire, at all, to start over again anytime soon. As wonderful as that type of change can be, it's also terrifying and exhausting at the same time. As much as I love big changes, I equally love feeling settled, developing friendships, and feeling like I'm home.

But, with beginning a new year (for teachers, it feels like our "new year" always begins in August, not January :) that doesn't involve any huge changes like moving across the world or across a country - something I am VERY grateful for - it seems I still feel the need for some changes to happen.

Although I was hesitant at first, due to absolutely loving my apartment and living on my own, I am SO excited to be moving in with Tessa in a few days! A new (and much bigger!) space to call home, an apartment ideal for socializing with friends, and a place to start making new memories could not be coming at a better time. And with our personalities, I have no doubt we will have a lot of fun living together.

Visiting new places, experiencing different cultures, and seeing new landscapes is a change I crave. For this reason, I am SO excited to be going to Switzerland next week - a country that I envision being like Colorado on steroids - a place unlike any I've seen before. The added bonus of getting to visit a part of Italy I've never seen and spending ten days with one of my favorite traveling companions makes it even more exciting.

And finally, a physical change. Every time I go to get my haircut, my mom asks what I'm going to do. For ten years now, my response has been something like, "Oh, just a trim, take off an inch or two." And her response almost always sounds something like, "Oh - pretty risky, Jenny!" I've been thinking about a change for awhile, but have really loved having long hair. I knew I would back out if I took too long to decide, so after encouragement from friends (especially one Anna Morgan, "Your hair is thick, voluminous, and prosperous, and if you hate it, it will grow back - carpe diem!" Love you and your adjectives, Anna - thanks!), I went for it. In the spirit of summertime, a new year, and a new look, I got A LOT of my hair cut off yesterday! For the first time in about ten years, I can't say that I have long hair -- yikes! They actually called it a "transformation" cut! It feels completely different, I think I love it.

Changes can come in all shapes and sizes - new places to visit, a new home, a new job, a new relationship, a new addition to the family, a new philosophy on life, a new look. Although it's not always positive, and sometimes it's scary, I love what change can bring - a chance to reinvent yourself, gain confidence, experience something new, and ultimately, a chance to grow as a person. I already look forward to the other changes this new year will bring . . .

" Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights. "

~Pauline R. Kezer

"The Girl" - City and Colour

Tessa shared this video with me a few weeks ago and it couldn't have been more perfect at the time. I finally downloaded it and love it - such beautiful lyrics, guitar, and slow to fast tempo. Check it out!

When life gives you lemons . . .

I fully recognize that this is such a cliche, but . . . I still think it is such a good one to live by! The past two weeks have not been the easiest - I've learned that people are not always as they seem, red flags are red flags for a reason, not everything makes sense, and that sometimes I just won't get the answers I'm looking for. Like the song says, breaking up is hard to do!

However, time, Spanish classes, conversations with friends and my mom, fun, moving, and travel plans have made things turn around quickly. Thanks to two of my wonderful friends - the rest of the summer is looking pretty fantastic!

I was able to spend the past weekend in Madrid, feeling like a tourist in Spain again, while visiting Tessa. She's there working on her masters for the month of July. Even with the work she had to do, she was so welcoming and provided the fun and conversation I definitely needed. I had been missing my Barcelona BF desperately!

Next week, I move into our new (fabulous!) apartment, then leave for Switzerland to visit Emily. I was originally planning to spend just a few days there, but with a very gracious and persuasive email from her, I will now be staying an extra week to go to Cinque Terra and enjoy a huge street parade in Zurich! Mountains, beaches, Italian men, and good food and wine are sounding like heaven. (Plus, I can't wait to see what happens on this "Adventures with Emily and Jenny" trip - our last one to Chile/Argentina is what made us both move to Europe!)

Although it was a pretty sour start to the second half of my summer break, it's looking like I'll be able to make some very sweet lemonade after all. (You're the best, ladies - thanks! :)

The Love Between Latin Men

I love watching Matias, and other Spanish and Latin men, interact with one another. Unlike most American men I know, they are so affectionate! Greetings between friends always include a hug, if not a cheek kiss as well. Phone conversations usually end with "un abrazo" or "un beso." And they so often put an arm around a shoulder, wrestle, or something similar.

I even see this with my students. The boys always sit right next to each other, often put an arm around a shoulder when having a "serious" conversation, and are just so affectionate. I love it! It's just so clear how not homophobic most males are. Although I'm sure American men love their friends just as much, they don't show it in the same ways. In fact, I bet many of them would be quite uncomfortable around some of the men here! Yet, it is a culture that makes feelings and emotions very transparent, and showing affection between friends and loved ones is evident for all to see. And if the men are that way with each other, one can just imagine how they are with women :) Another small difference that I love . . .

Spring has Sprung!

In the past two weeks, it's clear that spring (if not summer!) has arrived in Barcelona. The time change, 70+ degree weather, and the abundance of tourists have changed the entire feel of the city. It seems like Barcelona is literally pulsing with energy - I love it! Plazas and cafes are full of people enjoying tapas and drinks and everyone is out and about all the time. In this sense, Barcelona reminds me a lot of Sevilla - life happens "on the streets."

Seeing everyone out enjoying the sunshine is making it harder and harder to want to go to work as well. (Because of this, spring break can't come soon enough - one week to go!) As I've been walking around in the evenings this past week, I've realized that I haven't really experienced springtime nights in Spain. In Sevilla, I was working from 1-9 and not arriving home until around 10pm. It's so amazing to be out in the evening, whether going for a run, getting a drink, or watching old Catalan men play boccie ball. I have definitely been reminded that spring is my most favorite season, especially in a city like Barcelona. I'm looking forward to enjoying a bit more of it in the upcoming weeks!

Sunset in Sitges

Enjoying cañas at a chiringuito on the beach

Wildflowers in Montserrat