A few teachers have mentioned how they just feel like they have very few, if any, close friends. Something that has surprised me is how some people seem to think they should be invited by everyone to everything that's happening. And if they are not, they take it very personally. I don't know if it's because for a number of people this is their first time abroad or what. A few people I know at other schools have mentioned the same thing. However, it's been really interesting to observe (I think international schools would make for a fascinating sociology experiment!).
I'll be the first to admit that I've been really lucky since moving to Spain. Being thrown into CELTA in Sevilla made for many quickly formed friendships due to spending so much time together and having similar interests (teaching, learning Spanish, living in Spain). Although I didn't expect to become friends with Anna when I first met her, I'm so lucky that life put us together and once we got to know each other, we became the best of friends. I suppose spending literally 300+ days with someone will do that :)
Then, I was lucky enough to find Tessa in Barcelona! I think we were both fortunate to be here for our first year, single, around the same age, and with many of the same interests. In addition, there were very few other new teachers, so we immediately began spending lots of our time together. She and I have become the best of friends, too.
However, as I was discussing with someone earlier this week, friendships take time! When I think of my closest friends at home, we've been friends for over a decade. No one can expect to have those sort of friendships in just a few short months, particularly when friendships are somewhat forced because of the situation. In fact, I only feel that in the past few months I've become true friends with Tanya and Anne. Although we've gone out together before, it took almost a year and a half to be at the point where I feel I can really be myself around each of them.
I believe that true, strong friendships take time and effort on the part of both people. When moving abroad, you truly have to start over when it comes to friends and that's tough! You have to find the people that you really think you would become friends with if you had the choice. And you have to work to make those friendships happen. It's for this reason that I'm surprised when people seem to think friendships happen without some effort by both parties.
Now that I've developed some true friendships with people at school, I'm doing my best to try and make some outside of it. Without a doubt, this is even harder! I don't particularly want to make any more American friends because I am surrounded by them all the time. But, I really want to make Spanish-speaking friends so that I can practice! In addition, since I plan to be in Barcelona for awhile, I hope to be friends with people who plan to stay here, too (another problem with friendships in international schools - people are constantly moving away).
I think it's hard to find genuine situations in which you can meet people that are living here and wanting to make new friends as well. Luckily, I met Hayley through Spanish classes and she and I quickly became friends. Although she's Australian, she and her Argentinian boyfriend will be here awhile because he's in medical school. I believe it's true that Catalan people aren't quite as open and welcoming as Andalucians, which makes it harder to know local people. I hope an intercambio friend might be my ticket into more Catalan culture!
As I reread this entry to myself, it reminds me a bit of middle school! Living abroad means figuring out who you are in a new setting and I think one can learn a lot about themselves through these experiences. I've again been reminded of the amazing friendships I have, some that began more than 15 years ago, others 5, and some that just started a year or a few months ago. Regardless of the time, these friendships began because of shared interests and experiences, as well as genuine enjoyment of one another's company, not because they were forced to happen. And so, I look forward to the other friendships I might discover while living a broad in Barcelona . . . :)
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