What is it I want??

This is something I've been thinking about pretty much incessantly over the past few weeks! What do I do next year? What is it I want? At this point in time, I do not have definitive answers to these questions.

As of the past hour, I have completed my last attempt to be hired by American and International Schools in Spain. After my emails with cover letters, resumes, and now letters of recommendations, I don't think there is much else I can do without seeming stalkerish!

Every day I realize more and more how much I miss the classroom. I miss teaching kids to read and write, as well as all of the life lessons that come along with being in school. Although I get to do a little of this as an English teacher, 2-3 hours a week with a group of students just doesn't compare to what I used to do. I miss professional development, both receiving and leading ends of it. So, this helps me to answer one question - I want to be back in a school setting next year. I don't think I can handle another year of English teaching alone. (I can't do it again financially, either!)

But where?? Well, ideally I would love to stay in Spain. My desire to learn Spanish was one of my key reasons to move here. I have fallen in love with the culture and lifestyle, as expected. However, I have yet to receive a response from American or international schools here. If this continues to be the case, this decision is basically made for me - it looks like I will be leaving Spain. :(

So where else do I want to be? I could move to Central or South America if I want to continue learning Spanish and enjoying parts of Spanish culture. However, the second reason I came to Spain was because I wanted to see more of Europe. I have quickly realized that it's impossible to travel when making very little money. But there is still so much more I want to see of this continent! Which leads me to think about finding a job in an international school elsewhere in Europe where I could make a significant amount of money and be able to travel more (Hello Emily?!).

And finally, part of me feels that maybe I need to "settle down" - a phrase I don't really like the sound of! I think it's the fact that my thirtieth birthday is looming, many of my friends are married or getting married, and some are having babies. Yet, I wonder if it's actually age that makes us settle down or circumstance? I feel like relationships, families, and careers are the catalyst for this. At this point in time, I have yet to find the man of my dreams, which means I haven't started a family of my own, and I'm still sorting out what career path I want to follow. So, do I need to settle down? Is it only because I feel like I should that I'm even thinking about it? At this moment, that's what moving back to Denver means to me. Although I love it there and think it's where I would ultimately like to end up, I don't know if that's the path I want to take quite yet.

So, as you can see, I am full of questions and only starting to figure out some of the answers! Hopefully, the answers will present themselves relatively soon - I'm not sure how much longer I can go on worrying! Although I guess some part of us will always worry about the future, right?Joder!