This past year in Barcelona has really made me realize both the fantastic and the difficult aspects of living abroad. Luckily, the good parts heavily outweigh the bad, but that definitely doesn't make them any easier!
This past week, Matias and I broke up. For those of you that I saw at home, you can guess how unexpected this was! While in Indianapolis, I had a long-awaited talk with my SBFF, Anna. During this conversation, I told her about how in love Matias and I were, how amazing things had been, and how excited I was to see him in less than two weeks. I vividly remember telling her how I thought he was "the one" for me and was pretty positive we'd be together for a long, long time. I then said that I knew the only thing that would stop this from happening would be if he was unable to deal with the issues from his past, because they were directly related to our future. And how, if we didn't work out because of these things, it would be SO disappointing, but I would be okay.
Well, apparently I had a premonition of things to come, because that's exactly what happened. As wonderful as the past six months with him have been, it's clear that the red flags I noticed were red flags for a reason - it was just easier to not see them because the rest of the view was so amazing.
The strangest part of all of this is that since I hadn't seen him for three weeks, we broke up so quickly after my return, and I've received zero communication from him since (Is he alive? Is he still in Barcelona? What on earth is he thinking?! I literally have no idea!), it almost feels like the whole relationship never happened -- which is such a surreal feeling! I suppose it's making getting over things easier, but I don't want to just forget that it happened - it was such a happy time for me and for him! ("WTF?!" is a phrase that has definitely been running through my mind a lot these days! :)
Something that's been difficult about this has been the fact that I've been back in Barcelona on my own. I just left my friends and family, Tessa is in Madrid for the month, and most of my other friends from work are traveling. Needless to say, this is one of the difficult aspects of living abroad. Luckily, I've been taking Spanish classes, meeting some new people, getting tons of exercise, and managing to keep myself pretty busy.
At this point, I've accepted that there are a lot of questions I just won't get answered, which is very difficult for me. But regardless, I'll never regret the past six months - they were such a happy and fun time and I learned so much in regards to what I need, want, and deserve in a relationship, as well as what I will continue to look for in the next person I am with. And until I find him, I hope to enjoy summer in Barcelona, one of the best cities ever to live life as a single, thirty-something girl . . . and as Jeff Pickett said so well, I'll just keep throwing a line into the sea that is Barcelona, or a harpoon - whatever works! :) However, I'll remember to keep an eye out for those red flags and pay a little closer attention to them next time.
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